Short rant to non existent readers

I feel like my whole life is just so boring, nothing exciting like finding a boyfriend or good friends or people who seriously cherish me.

Maybe these thoughts would come and go away, but its just times like this that make me feel super duper lonely and so helpless. The crazy thoughts would always come at this timing, haunting me like cray cray.

Maybe I would act on those thoughts sometimes or maybe just once, and I will never ever come back again (if you know what I mean) Sometimes people words comments actions can also make me feel so inferior but then again what Eleanor Roosevelt said was true "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent". If I didn't have so intense and so many insecurities, I don't think life would be so tough. I brought all these upon myself.

Without all these triggers, I would be able to function as a normal person and lead a normal life. Maybe there will be ups and downs but I know I won't do silly stuff or have cray cray on-top-of-the-world insane thoughts.

Nobody ever ever stays. I repeat NOBODY.

Rant isn't over yet, it's just that I don't want to bore you guys. HAHAHHA.

Go ahead and judge me.

Ciaos, sorry there isn't any pictures available. boring blog.

Suicide.

For my dad, so that he doesn't have to deal with such a troublesome daughter.

For my mom, so that she doesn't have to come home to a troubled house and one filled with quarrels.

For my sister, so that she has all the attention from my parents and having a happy family.

For my grandmother, so that she would be proud of showing her relatives the whole family picture without having to feel awkward explaining to them about my illness.

For my friends, (oh wait I don't have any)

For my relatives, so that they wouldn't have to deal with the fat whale on the table and don't have to be afraid that be dishes aren't enough cos I won't be there to eat them.

For food, so that they wouldn't be wasted on a fat pig like me.

For my teachers, so that they wouldn't have to go to the trouble to deal with sch a troublesome student and having to alter the timetable to suit my doctor appointments.

For my classmates, so that they wouldn't have a sick and problematic school mate . And they wouldn't have to go through the trouble to help me take my homework and notes.

For my toilet bowl, so that they would t have to intake my purging.

For my palate so that they won't have to deal with overflowing food for a big whale anorexic.