Rant.

I don't really know who reads my blog but oh well, thanks for making me feel a tiny weeny bit better everyday I see that the page views increase because that means that there are people reading this worthless place that I usually rant. Thank you guys <3

Okay, back to the real topic, I am feeling like shit because I feel so alone.

It's not just alone, it is being alone in a crowded room. That kind of feeling where you see everyone
around you just together and you are the only one being left out, being ostracized to one corner,
where everyone of different walks of life could just click with each other, but just leaving you the only
socially awkward one there as if you are transparent.

That is how I feel every moment, its as if people don't want to include me in everything and that my presence doesn't matter at all. I don't even know why I exist and why I choose to live on.

It is not only difficult to handle the life in Singapore as a student. But adding to all these challenges, are the challenges that the ED post to my life and the DEPRESSION monster, its just making things a million times
worse than it used to be.

Sorry this is such a mundane post but I just wanted to rant, maybe its because of the lack of friends which explain why I don't have anyone to rant to. Its just me and .... me.

Photos can really tell a million words. I just feel that I have to take photo of it lest the moment becomes just gone that way, and I am so afraid that one day I might suffer from dementia. I can feel that now, like I constantly forget about many things and when I say many things, I really mean many things. 

Last but not least, to everyone out there reading this worthless and stupid blog
(but you guys are still awesome alright?), 

THIS PICTURE IS FOR YOU GUYS

Holiday mood.

I saw that my stats are increasing, yay!

That means more people are reading my boring life, muhahahahhah dk why too.

Yeah, but anyway, it's been pretty bored.

Today, my therapist referred my relationship with the ED akin to a relationship of a wife with an abusive husband. I find that so true. Come to think of it, the ED abuses us but we still continue sticking to it. Don't you find it strange? Normal human beings tend to want to get well but this ED doesn't want us to get well, get that irony of this illness?

It just kind of daunt upon me how scary this ED hides itself.

Now see, the ED makes you feel that he/she/it is the only one there for you when everyone leaves you in the lurch but have you ever dig deep down to find out the root cause of why are people leaving your life/there are lesser people in your social circle?

YES, ITS BECAUSE OF THE ED.
IT HAS TOO MANY RULES THAT DOESNT CONFORM WITH THE NORM AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES YOU ABNORMAL AND THUS, UNABLE TO FIT IN WITH THE CROWD.

THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT WE DO THAT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY ARE WE DOING BUT WE CONTINUE DOING, BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE COMMANDS OF THE ED.

The ED causes the trouble and then, becomes very smart and secretive to come back in to act as the "HERO" to save you from solitude/feeling lonely.
It is smart, manipulative, secretive, malicious, greedy and everything else that you can describe someone who has just done an illegal act.

These are just some of the stuff and thoughts that have been in my mind today, it's been tough battling this internal struggle but trust me, it takes practice. The voice would tame down, one day. Just one day, wait till you see me beat you off the ass.