What am I supposed to do with my life
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Suicide.
For my dad, so that he doesn't have to deal with such a troublesome daughter.
For my mom, so that she doesn't have to come home to a troubled house and one filled with quarrels.
For my sister, so that she has all the attention from my parents and having a happy family.
For my grandmother, so that she would be proud of showing her relatives the whole family picture without having to feel awkward explaining to them about my illness.
For my friends, (oh wait I don't have any)
For my relatives, so that they wouldn't have to deal with the fat whale on the table and don't have to be afraid that be dishes aren't enough cos I won't be there to eat them.
For food, so that they wouldn't be wasted on a fat pig like me.
For my teachers, so that they wouldn't have to go to the trouble to deal with sch a troublesome student and having to alter the timetable to suit my doctor appointments.
For my classmates, so that they wouldn't have a sick and problematic school mate . And they wouldn't have to go through the trouble to help me take my homework and notes.
For my toilet bowl, so that they would t have to intake my purging.
For my palate so that they won't have to deal with overflowing food for a big whale anorexic.
For my mom, so that she doesn't have to come home to a troubled house and one filled with quarrels.
For my sister, so that she has all the attention from my parents and having a happy family.
For my grandmother, so that she would be proud of showing her relatives the whole family picture without having to feel awkward explaining to them about my illness.
For my friends, (oh wait I don't have any)
For my relatives, so that they wouldn't have to deal with the fat whale on the table and don't have to be afraid that be dishes aren't enough cos I won't be there to eat them.
For food, so that they wouldn't be wasted on a fat pig like me.
For my teachers, so that they wouldn't have to go to the trouble to deal with sch a troublesome student and having to alter the timetable to suit my doctor appointments.
For my classmates, so that they wouldn't have a sick and problematic school mate . And they wouldn't have to go through the trouble to help me take my homework and notes.
For my toilet bowl, so that they would t have to intake my purging.
For my palate so that they won't have to deal with overflowing food for a big whale anorexic.
Friday, 5 April 2013
Motivation, Activities
Hey Readers,
Just an update about what I have been doing. Nothing much but I just want to post a question to all others and see how you guys are responding. I really don't have anything to do at home and I really don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do, for leisure, I mean.
Any nice movies/tv shows/documentaries to watch to kill time?
Are there any nice and interesting games to do or would there be an activity that is a little time consuming (Because i got the time of the world)
Food Porn. Home cooked & Hawker Fare.
Some food pictures to entertain you guys!
Most of these are actually home cooked but I packed it in a styrofoam box so that I can bring it to work. But, some of them are bought from outside.
Take care to all my readers. Love you guys and stay strong in this recovery process. I am not telling you that it's easy but I am gonna tell you it's worth it.
There are good and bad days!
Thursday, 4 April 2013
PERFECTIONISTIC
I haven't really posted in a while. Maybe, just something for you guys to take a break away from me.
Today, I decide to talk about family and how it has been affecting my family and in all ED patients. I realized that most ED patients are often characterized to be someone who used to be very obedient, independent and filial. But, after the ED overcame them, they have took a turn for the worse and all that they do is fight, quarrel and arguing with their family. The family is also shocked and astonished to how the ED can overwhelm and dominate the entire family.
ED patients are often characterized as perfectionistic and they want everything to go in their way. They are very rigid but they definitely don't have any ill intentions or what not. People haven't realized that they are purely innocent, and sometimes what they want is just some attention, love, care and concern. But, sometimes, family members also fail to see them as the real them rather than the ED self. They just know that "Oh, she is sick so whatever she says doesn't make sense" That can be rather daunting for the patient because they would feel so inferior and so looked down upon which would further decrease their self esteem. In fact, such comments only have negative consequences.
I know that most of us have always been seen as the perfect child and someone who wouldn't make their parents worry. But, I think sometimes we are too tired being the goody-goody child and being neglected due to the fact that parents think we are mature enough.
Maybe we just lack the attention, the unconditional love, the showering concern and most importantly, confidence. We feel that whatever we do is imperfect and we HAVE, NEED to change them to satisfy or please others.
But, ultimately, we aren't doing what we want to do. We are simply living the lives of others.
Today, I decide to talk about family and how it has been affecting my family and in all ED patients. I realized that most ED patients are often characterized to be someone who used to be very obedient, independent and filial. But, after the ED overcame them, they have took a turn for the worse and all that they do is fight, quarrel and arguing with their family. The family is also shocked and astonished to how the ED can overwhelm and dominate the entire family.
ED patients are often characterized as perfectionistic and they want everything to go in their way. They are very rigid but they definitely don't have any ill intentions or what not. People haven't realized that they are purely innocent, and sometimes what they want is just some attention, love, care and concern. But, sometimes, family members also fail to see them as the real them rather than the ED self. They just know that "Oh, she is sick so whatever she says doesn't make sense" That can be rather daunting for the patient because they would feel so inferior and so looked down upon which would further decrease their self esteem. In fact, such comments only have negative consequences.
I know that most of us have always been seen as the perfect child and someone who wouldn't make their parents worry. But, I think sometimes we are too tired being the goody-goody child and being neglected due to the fact that parents think we are mature enough.
Maybe we just lack the attention, the unconditional love, the showering concern and most importantly, confidence. We feel that whatever we do is imperfect and we HAVE, NEED to change them to satisfy or please others.
But, ultimately, we aren't doing what we want to do. We are simply living the lives of others.
Monday, 1 April 2013
Emotions overwhelm me.
I think sometimes when we feel a certain way, we act based on our feelings and subconsciously it might be the wrong thing to do. But that's because we are humans and we are supposed to feel.
That can either be a good or bad thing. Sometimes when we are so sick, we think that we wanna seek help. But when we seek help and start recovering, we start regretting and start blaming and start the whole self-reproach thing?
Sometimes I feel like treatment is something that we act on based on positive and optimistic feelings that we will recover. And I know most of the times, when we feel down and demoralised we tend to want to fall back into the hole of the eating disorder and fall into relapse?
This are just some of my thoughts and I find it kind of helpful to talk about it
That can either be a good or bad thing. Sometimes when we are so sick, we think that we wanna seek help. But when we seek help and start recovering, we start regretting and start blaming and start the whole self-reproach thing?
Sometimes I feel like treatment is something that we act on based on positive and optimistic feelings that we will recover. And I know most of the times, when we feel down and demoralised we tend to want to fall back into the hole of the eating disorder and fall into relapse?
This are just some of my thoughts and I find it kind of helpful to talk about it
Sunday, 31 March 2013
Food porn
Just some of my food pictures :)
Feel free to comment and maybe leave some pictures too. :)
Feel free to comment and maybe leave some pictures too. :)
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