Any similar incidents?

I just know that I need to get out of this freaking shit hole, and how do I achieve that?

I just have to act my way outta here. I can feel the fats sinking in, I can feel everything getting
tighter, I can feel my illness going away but somehow I am paranoid of letting go.

I am really scared of letting go, I am afraid to lose this battle.
But I dont even know the battle that I am trying to beat too.

Have anyone felt similarly before?

PICTORIAL

Some of them are pretty outdated but wtv, dont really care. Cos I doubt anyone really reads this blog.

Random Post

Guess trying to beat and defeat something that is so magically insane right up your mind is just so taxing, be it physically or mentally.

"You shouldn't be the one fighting this alone, we are all in this together"

- This is just some kind of bull shit that I just want to shove it into their face. Because they havent been there and they think its some easy feat to just pull off recovery as if we want to remain sick (okay maybe thats what I want).

But up till now I still don't know what are the reasons to continue being sick.
1. Maybe its for attention.
2. Maybe I genuinely love being skinny.
3. Maybe I love feeling cold all the time.
4. Maybe I just don't want to grow up. (without menses, you aren't a full complete woman just as what they say and they make it sound like women are considered blood producing mammals of the world)
5. Maybe I just want to skip school.
6. Maybe I just want to avoid reality and rather shove it down under the carpet and never to face it ever again.

Yeah, this is just something that I have come up with, in an impromptu situation like right now but if you guys have any more ideas or any more reasons as to why someone with ED would want to continue being sick, comment below and I would include them.

Just want to let all of you know that you guys arent alone in this and I will always battle this with you guys. We might know each other personally but trust me, I have been through the toughest phases of recovery and it hasnt been a single bit smooth sailing but things get better,

Trust me, for once, at least that I am not lying over the fact that the rainbow has to come only after the storm and furthermore, this is scientifically proven.

Maybe whenever I have the time I would then choose to post more food porn pictures of my bp sessions, sigh but I dont take picture of my purge unlike some others who like to take photo of their purge, i just find it so weird.

Please stop.

Please stop making my life miserable.
Please stop making me anxious around food.
Please stop making me upset over eating an extra mouthful.
Please stop making me feel guilty after every binge purge session.
Please stop making me resort to underhand means to get what I want to binge on.
Please stop making the binge episodes rule over my life.
Please stop making me addicted to this purging.
Please stop telling me that this will be the last time (because both you and I know that it will never be the last as much as we always say this is the last time).
Please stop telling me lies that with every purge, I am going to get skinnier and when I get skinnier, people will start loving me and I will start being popular.
Please stop feeding me lies that my worth is based on the number on the scale.
Please stop pushing people away from my social life.
Please stop this comparison with other people when I am not even done with my own self care.

Just stop, please.