Hiatus

Haven't blogged in a while and j guess no one reads this blog too but yeah. Been struggling with many emotional breakdowns. Just so pissed with myself and everything that I have done 

Sometimes I don't know what I want that's why i do different things at times and it is just so contradictory towards each other. Like sometimes I just wanna stop those destructive behaviour and then the voice just comes and I have to listen to it. 

And then the next moment I think of someone who loves me so dearly and the only person I live for (D) and then I know that what j am doing is wrong and sometimes, only sometimes, I will stop those thoughts from overwhelming and overcoming me but other than that, if D is not here like physically here with me, I don't think I can ever do it. That shows how reliant I am on D. And it's really not a healthy relationship, especially for someone my age. 

Stop these thoughts, please. Someone, can you control the monster? Not those outside, but the domineering one inside and within.