Dad, I miss the old you or rather I miss the old me.

I should be thankful for my dad but what am I doing,
my presence just always never fail to make things worse for him.

As much as I say I love him, why can't I just recover for his sake?
Why must I continue sticking on to the ED that just bring shame and misery,
not only to myself but also for my family?

It's ridiculous thinking about how irrational the ED is (when I am sane).
But then again, why am I still engaging in those useless and stupid behaviours?

I miss my dad smile, I miss my dad everything. I miss how he used to like me,
spraying me with positive attention and not the negative minute attention that I am getting.

I miss his constant rubbing of my head, an indication that I am a good girl.
I miss his constant encouragement about my exam results, and never pushing me off the limits.
I miss his humour and his jokes around anything and everything.
I miss how my dad used to look up and be thankful for a daughter like me.
I miss how my dad used to respect me.
I miss how my dad used to love me.
I miss how my dad used to trust me.
I miss how my dad used to believe in me.
I miss how my dad used to treat me with tender loving care.
I miss how my dad could be honest when he's with me.
I miss how my dad just lie on my shoulder (Yes, my dad does that when he's comfortable with someone)


ALL IN ALL, I miss the dad when I didn't have ED. I