Holiday mood.

I saw that my stats are increasing, yay!

That means more people are reading my boring life, muhahahahhah dk why too.

Yeah, but anyway, it's been pretty bored.

Today, my therapist referred my relationship with the ED akin to a relationship of a wife with an abusive husband. I find that so true. Come to think of it, the ED abuses us but we still continue sticking to it. Don't you find it strange? Normal human beings tend to want to get well but this ED doesn't want us to get well, get that irony of this illness?

It just kind of daunt upon me how scary this ED hides itself.

Now see, the ED makes you feel that he/she/it is the only one there for you when everyone leaves you in the lurch but have you ever dig deep down to find out the root cause of why are people leaving your life/there are lesser people in your social circle?

YES, ITS BECAUSE OF THE ED.
IT HAS TOO MANY RULES THAT DOESNT CONFORM WITH THE NORM AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES YOU ABNORMAL AND THUS, UNABLE TO FIT IN WITH THE CROWD.

THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT WE DO THAT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY ARE WE DOING BUT WE CONTINUE DOING, BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE COMMANDS OF THE ED.

The ED causes the trouble and then, becomes very smart and secretive to come back in to act as the "HERO" to save you from solitude/feeling lonely.
It is smart, manipulative, secretive, malicious, greedy and everything else that you can describe someone who has just done an illegal act.

These are just some of the stuff and thoughts that have been in my mind today, it's been tough battling this internal struggle but trust me, it takes practice. The voice would tame down, one day. Just one day, wait till you see me beat you off the ass.

Values.

I don't know what's up with blogger nowadays but I can't upload pictures.

Ugh, really getting on my nerves. Does anyone there also suffering from the same thing. I need to upload pictures rather than just wordings and more boring posts by yours truly.

Anyway, how have you guys been? I think maybe today, I want to talk about the different values that we hold to ourselves. All of us have different values, I believe. I think it is really necessary for us to know what we want and therefore, such values shape our actions and really define who we really are.

I think one such exercise that is really useful to use is to list down the various values that you feel are important to you and ask yourself whenever the ED steps in, ask him/her whether they are able to let you accomplish such values to shape you to the beautiful person you wanna be.

Yeah, I just want to motivate all of us to tell you guys that recovery is possible and it's definitely worth it. Maybe because today is a good good day which explains my positive tone. But, be it positive or negative day, just keep pushing forward and it really is worth it.

Some local food delicacies that I have tried and would definitely try more of this :)

Mindfulness.

Hello all,

Today I want to talk about mindfulness. Just happened to find it really interesting and I find it particularly tough for people with eating disorders. Most of us are often too starved/obsessed with food to the point that we disregard everything else and we become somewhat un-mindful about our surroundings and what's happening around.

What is mindfulness, you might ask.

It is actually staying in the present moment and just be aware of your surroundings and actions.

I know its easier said than done. Staying in the present moment and really feeling what you should and not avoiding the negativities, that's really a tough task to do. But, nonetheless, if we set our mind to it, I am sure any of us are able to do that too.

Due to the fact that we are malnourished and obsessed about our weight, appearance, food, calories, etc, we become too preoccupied with the fact that we ignore and neglect other more important things around us. Sometimes, what it takes is just realization.

We have to realize what we are genuinely missing out. We have to realize what other people are lacking of. We have to realize how fortunate we are, and not harping on things that we don't have. We have to realize that there are stronger people out there fighting tougher battles and yet not giving up, so who are we to give up? We have to realize that everything happens for a reason. We have to realize that sometimes, tough times are meant for tough and strong people to handle, so we shouldn't succumb to such setbacks and define yourself based on one off incident. We have to realize that there are so many things out there, waiting for us to explore. We have to realize how inhumane the eating disorder has evolved us into, and quickly take a step back to correct our mistakes.

I guess, that is about it. If there is anything you would like to share about mindfulness, feel free to leave a comment.

This is a short video that teaches you how to slowly relax your mind and let your thoughts distant away from you. You have to realize that such practice might come tough at the first try, but it would improve overtime. :)