Mom and Dad, if this is how your view eating disorders think again. It is not as simple as “it can be gone in a day”. And eating disorders are not only because of the fear of “getting fat”. That’s a fucking lie. I know I am a fucking burden to you. I know whatever I do can never meet your expectations. I’m the worse daughter who brings you all the most trouble. Just leave me alone and I’m fine with it. Leave me alone to face those demons alone. If I don’t want to recover just deal with it. I don’t need those psychiatrists nor psychologists since you say they are useless. I don’t need to go for day treatment since it is so fucking expensive. Just leave me the fuck alone to binge or purge or cut or commit suicide. Because I know I’m such a fucking burden and sorry for appearing in your life. Sorry for having an eating disorder. Sorry for not being fat or perfect in your eyes. Sorry for being so useless and weak. Sorry for crying. Sorry for spending all your money away. Sorry for making you have to tell the grannies and relatives that I have something wrong with my head. Thank you for making me not being able to lift my head up to talk to my relatives or grannies again because of the way they will look at me forever. Those “you are sick and you are such a trouble and burden to the family” look. Thank you for all those money spent because no you won’t need to anymore. Because no because I don’t want to be selfish anymore, I will stop treatment, I will stop eating, I will disappear from your sight so that not a single cent will be spent on me anymore.
I really feel you and if you are reading this, yes you, stay strong and I have faith that your parents will realize how wrong they are and one day they will come back and apologize to you. But that is only if you recover and I believe you can do it.
I love you.
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