None of my parents know about the disorder of mine, none of my family do. They THINK they do.
“Just eat! I don’t know why you can’t just eat.”
“Eating won’t do anything, eat and control!”
“You cannot eat? Its not like you have a mental problem.”
“Since you are so good at this, you should know how to gain. JUST GAIN TO __ and maintain that weight. I don’t care how you do it. Eat whatever you want, go do whatever you want. Just maintain at that weight and I won’t care”
“NO, I won’t let you eat whatever you want. You WILL eat whatever I eat!”
“Is eating that difficult? Why do you have to resort to such bullshit ways”
“You don’t want to get fat? Just go exercise!”
“I know you like to eat, why can’t you just eat and stomach it down?”
“You eat, you sit down. Don’t go doing those funny funny things”
You would want to look nice for CNY and not get those comments right? Then, eat!”
“I don’t want people to think that I am starving my daughter or mistreating her”
“I don’t trust those bullshit doctors. Since all they do in the hospital is look at you eat, I can do it too! I don’t have to WASTE MONEY on them”
“I won’t get you those bars anymore. I think you rely on them too much. If you are hungry, just tell me. I will cook eggs for you.”
“Whats wrong with going out? Cannot spend some family time?”
“Everytime eat bread bread bread, I want to see you eat rice. You keep eating bread, one day you will turn into one”
“You so scared of gaining weight for what? You see us, eat also won’t fat”
“I brought you overseas so that I can make you fatter”
“Just eat! I don’t know why you can’t just eat.”
“Eating won’t do anything, eat and control!”
“You cannot eat? Its not like you have a mental problem.”
“Since you are so good at this, you should know how to gain. JUST GAIN TO __ and maintain that weight. I don’t care how you do it. Eat whatever you want, go do whatever you want. Just maintain at that weight and I won’t care”
“NO, I won’t let you eat whatever you want. You WILL eat whatever I eat!”
“Is eating that difficult? Why do you have to resort to such bullshit ways”
“You don’t want to get fat? Just go exercise!”
“I know you like to eat, why can’t you just eat and stomach it down?”
“You eat, you sit down. Don’t go doing those funny funny things”
You would want to look nice for CNY and not get those comments right? Then, eat!”
“I don’t want people to think that I am starving my daughter or mistreating her”
“I don’t trust those bullshit doctors. Since all they do in the hospital is look at you eat, I can do it too! I don’t have to WASTE MONEY on them”
“I won’t get you those bars anymore. I think you rely on them too much. If you are hungry, just tell me. I will cook eggs for you.”
“Whats wrong with going out? Cannot spend some family time?”
“Everytime eat bread bread bread, I want to see you eat rice. You keep eating bread, one day you will turn into one”
“You so scared of gaining weight for what? You see us, eat also won’t fat”
“I brought you overseas so that I can make you fatter”
If you don’t know about it, don’t claim to know.. Recovery is not only about eating or “gaining weight”. In the end, it all comes down to the mindset. I can be at a healthy weight but that doesn’t mean I have a healthy mind. Anorexia/bulimia IS a mental disorder, its not plainly an EATING disorder. Please, you obviously don’t fucking understand, don’t assume you know. Even with my multiple explaining, you are too stubborn and bull-headed to accept those facts. You are even too stubborn to go to my psychologist or psychiatrist to understand further about ED. Whenever I ask you to go, you just say “Im busy, I have to work. Or not where do I get the money to pay for this?” Why don’t you just tell me Im a fucking burden? Then now when I decided to not go for appointments to “save your money” and am relapsing again, you blame it on the ED team for being useless when in fact, I blame myself the most, not them. They helped, I was the one who decided to isolate myself again and go deeper into my eating disorder. You just don’t understand.. You never did..
Omg i totally feel you. My mom is like that too. She thinks that its all about controlling yourself and eating and stopping when you're supposed to. She doesnt know that once i start eating, i cannot stop. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is so true. I am sorry to have replied this late. Anyway, if you want to find somebody to talk to or rant, feel free to give me a mail and we can exchange numbers since both of us are living in the same small country.
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